Best Time of My Life

Well, since it appears that I won't be having any more of my own children (pity, though miracles DO happen), God has blessed me with the next best thing: Meet baby Carson. He is all of one week old. I get to hold, kiss, calm, caress, change, adore, etc. without losing much sleep. I don't get to nurse, unfortunately. But he is such a cutie. I love being a grandma. Malerie is a wonderful mom. David wishes he could stay home all day with Carson. I wish I could live closer to my new addition. I have to savor the time I have with him now...just one more week.

Seeking Simplicity

Simple Gifts

'Tis the gift to be simple,

'Tis the gift to be free,

'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,

And when we find ourselves in the place just right,

'Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained,

To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed,

To turn, turn will be our delight,

'Till by turning, turning we come 'round right.

I played this old Shaker tune as a prelude piece at my Aunt Patti's funeral service two days ago without knowing then that the words it contains would be the message that my Heavenly Father would have for me now as a result of my personal ponderings regarding my beloved aunt. Although the meaning of the words are clearer to me now as a result of careful thought and divine revelation, His tutorial for me (and perhaps His individual tutorials for extended family members as well) began some months ago when my aunt entered her own personal "Garden of Gethsemane".

Let me share my aunt's story and the lessons that she learned from it first. No one could say it better than my closest cousin Holly did as a eulogy at the farewell services. I will quote but a small portion of the rather extraordinary tribute she gave. . . .

Seeking Simplicity - Part 2

In the words of her daughter, Holly, let me introduce my readers to my Aunt Patti.

"It's an honor to pay tribute to my mother on behalf of my family. It's surprisingly easy for me to illustrate Mom's whimsical, enchanted, complex, and fast-moving life. ... I'll start by mentioning that no one could keep up with my mom. She awakened each day and in cheetah-like fashion, accomplishing myriads of tasks... I can't really say that Mom danced to the beat of a different drum because she expected those around her to learn her unique rhythm - which most of us did....Mom's daily itinerary was filled with more events than almost anyone could pursue.

"...Our family took numerous road trips across the country, and we rarely had a specific plan. Each trip was an adventure of impulse and freefall as we drove around and stopped at every antique store, interesting tourist stop, strangely-titled restaurant or motel along the way....We were as free as gypsies with no agenda, as we blew wherever the wind of my mom's ideas took us....

"Even though Patricia sometimes ran into trouble because she was extremely impulsive and was insistent with wild abandon, this aspect of her character is what made mom fun! Mom loved to have parties and go to parties. Mom used to say things like, 'Life is short; eat dessert first.' And we did....

"...Mom never had her IQ tested, but I know she was brilliant. I love to tell people that when she worked on her A___ G___ study for the University of Colorado she was nominated the number one interviewer in the entire country. I used to urge her on so that she didn't become complacent by saying, 'You know, Mom, you're only as good as your last interview.

"...

"Up until August 26th, 2008, Mom's life was running 'all systems go', and [while interviewing] in Laredo, TX, a town just next to the Mexican border [where she knew no one], Mom suffered two heart attacks and three strokes, all the while having pneumonia. Medically, the doctors assert that Mom should have died from this experience. But she didn't. I thank and rejoice that God not only allowed Mom to survive five separate intubations with a breathing tube, in and out of a coma, but to be able to travel back to Denver under Dan [her son] and Julie's [highly-qualified ER nurse and friend] care after seven weeks and be close to her family for almost another month of life. God had His plan, and I know Mom embraced and surrendered herself accordingly. I asked Mom what she learned from this experience, or rather odyssey, and after thinking for a long while she answered, 'I learned that I'm not in control. God is. And I also learned that I had to be stripped of everything to understand this.'"

To echo my cousin Holly's words, "What an amazing statement!" Yes, this proud woman was stripped of everything - even pride - during her seven-week hospital stay. My aunt, whose own proud mother had requested that the song "My Way" be played at her funeral (and it was, some years ago), was stripped of insisting that things be done her way. Holly referred to a favorite Bible passage at the end of the eulogy, and I believe it to be 2 Corinthians 12:9-10:

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."

As Aunt Patti endured her broken and contrite state and began to surrender to the will of the Lord, she acknowledged the power of God through the many miracles that kept her alive and that came in answer to prayers, blessings, and healings; she experienced the peace and unconditional love of the Savior and that of her family. As I visited with her in the hospital, I saw faith and humility in a woman I had always loved but had never before known as a woman of God. This was a tender mercy of the Lord that prepared her and us for her imminent passing. It made possible the rejoicing of family members on both sides of the veil that a daughter of God had returned to her heavenly home.

Seeking Simplicity - Part 3

I want to share some meaningful quotes.

"I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not....

Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important--and what is most important almost always involves the people around us....

Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved."

(President Thomas S. Monson, "Finding Joy in the Journey," Ensign, Nov. 2008, 85, 86)

"As men [and women] of God, we turn from excess to that which edifies, for "that which doth not edify is not of God." If dealings or involvements or pursuits or schedules detract from putting God first, we must pare back and unencumber our lives."

(Bishop Keith B. McMullin, "Lay Up in Store," Ensign, May 2007, 52.)

"We must acquire knowledge of God's eternal plan and our role in it, and then by living righteously, surrendering our will to the will of the Lord, we receive the promised blessings....In our search to obtain relief from the stresses of life, may we earnestly seek ways to simplify our lives."

(Elder L. Tom Perry, "Let Him Do It with Simplicity," Ensign, Nov. 2008, 10)

"In righteousness there is great simplicity. In every case that confronts us in life there is either a right way or a wrong way to proceed. If we choose the right way, we are sustained in our actions by the principles of righteousness, in the which there is power from the heavens. If we choose the wrong way and act on that choice, there is no such heavenly promise or power, and we are alone and are destined to fail."

(Elder William R. Bradford, "Righteousness," Ensign, Nov. 1999, 85)

Why did I post these quotes? Well, one of the things my aunt's experience of suffering impressed upon me is that if I don't choose to learn life's most important lessons willingly through the teachings of the Spirit, then I will be compelled to learn them through the School of Hard Knocks. I am reminded of a boy character in C.S. Lewis' The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, Eustace, who through his own unwise choices becomes a dragon. He views the transformation as a bondage, particularly because a bejeweled bracelet he greedily put on while yet a boy was cutting into his scaly flesh and causing great pain. The whole experience serves as a humbling tutorial that allows Eustace to see the error of his ways and to desire a change of heart. The Christ-like lion figure, Aslan, makes the change possible after several attempts on Eustace's part to free himself of his dragon-like nature. It's all very symbolic of the Atonement, but it is a most undesirable way to avail oneself of God's grace. How much better rather to choose willingly the invitation to come unto Christ betimes without having to be compelled through a long and arduous ordeal.

Seeking Simplicity - Part 4

Ryan Shupe and the RubberBand have a song I want to share with you. It's from their album entitled Dream Big and it's their song, "Simplify".
The lyrics follow:

Simplify
I say what the hey I've got bills to pay I work all day I got no time to play And what's more, knocking on my door Is the tax collector and I'm poor
See there's too many bills too many pills Too many features and too many frills No money, too many things to buy Too many ways to split the pie
I've got to simplify Simplify my life I've got to simplify Simplify
I've got to smell the flowers enjoy the ride I've got to open up my eyes and see what's outside All the things I miss each day 'Cause I'm driving in the fast lane And it's making me insane
And I don't want to be that way I want to be free today From responsibility that brings excess duress I've got to enjoy more and stress less
I've got to simplify Simplify my life I've got to simplify Simplify
That's great, I'm late I'm always in a hurry for a meeting in the state Of confusion, a delusion An illusion I've taken much too far I'm always living in the future or the past But time flies too fast I've got to make it last So enjoy, relax, chill out Just give it a try
I've got to simplify Simplify my life I've got to simplify Simplify

In the past, I've tried to reduce and simplify my life. This has been a theme of mine for years. I have been about as successful as Eustace (character in C.S. Lewis' The Voyage of the Dawn Treader) was each time he tried to peel and scratch away his dragon scales. I enjoy relief and freedom for awhile only to find that I am still a slave to my natural self. My way prevails and gets the better of me. Permanency will abound only as I yield to God's will each and every day, several times throughout the day, according to His grace. Life's a journey, a process. I will not "arrive", and I am not in charge. So, my New Year's resolution is to put God and others first and "let Him do it with simplicity", because He will if I let Him. I do not want to be compelled. I gladly choose to suffer if He wills it because I know it will help me overcome my weakness and allow His strength and power to be made manifest. I will feel His love and my own delight as I yield to His plan of happiness. I will avoid the bondage of sin as I "come down where [I ] ought to be", as I unashamedly bow and bend to His will, and as I turn, turn, and return each night on penitent knees I will "come 'round right" because He will right me simply and grace-fully.

On a much more personal note...

...and perhaps this is truly needed. I don't often bare my innermost feelings. The foregoing reflections were all carefully thought out and written. They ("Seeking Simplicity" posted below) should probably be read when you have some extra time. They aren't that simple. Such is my complex, yet sincere, nature. This post is time consuming to read as well and is more of a spillage. But it bares my true feelings about my aunt and how her odyssey affected me. Here goes...

I love my Aunt Patti. I always have. From the time I was very little (at least five years old), I wanted to go to live with her in case anything ever happened to my parents. After all, she was fun. And she let her own kids eat sugary cereal. (I vividly remember eating Trix and Cocoa Krispies at her house in Lakewood.) She and I were not kindred spirits like cousin Holly and I are, but sometimes opposites do attract.

Aunt Patti was very generous with me. I treasured the gifts she gave me. Most of all, I treasured time spent with her. She was always doing her own thing; so, her undivided attention was limited. But she did give it to me, even if it was in small doses, and I felt special because of it.

Aunt Patti was annoying at times, to be sure. I don't want to enumerate faults because she didn't speak of mine. In spite of her often loud and outspoken nature, I never feared that she would talk unkindly of me behind my back. But I must say that she was a troubled soul. Deep down inside, there was much hurt. Holly made reference to this in a letter to her mother that she read at the funeral. "Mom, you spent much time running and dodging through life, and you were also searching for meaning and happiness and wanting to be loved these past several years." And then, in words that I believe were pure inspiration and that I can envision the Savior saying directly to Aunt Patti, Holly read,

"Mom, I want you to know more than anything that you have infinite worth. Your soul had an impact on everyone who has met you. I wish that you would love yourself fully and receive love. You have been given a precious gift to continue to live and breathe on the beautiful earth. God made you beautiful, in His own image, and your life has great purpose. I want you to be peaceful and happy and not worry about your life."

It was difficult to see Aunt Patti suffering in Laredo. The things I take for granted - breathing, swallowing, eating, talking, walking - and the things I cherish most - faith in God, the gift of the Holy Ghost, adoring, supportive, righteous husband, children, parents, siblings, friends and ward members, physical/mental/emotional health and strength, comfortable home - are most of the things Patti was without for weeks and weeks on end. Had she not had the abundant love and prayers of her family she would not have lasted as long as she did.

I watched Holly at her mother's bedside in amazement. She naturally knew how to comfort and assist with words, touch, and action. I marveled at her tenderness and fortitude. I was at a loss at what to say to my aunt in her condition. I was so out of my comfort zone. (But I must have learned something from watching Holly because at a later date when I visited Aunt Patti with my dad, he remarked at my ease of speaking with her.) Holly was tireless in her sacrifice throughout the entire ordeal. This is more fully appreciated when considering the fact that she was also devoting much time to an ailing mother-in-law and to her children's and piano students' demands as well. How grateful I am that her husband Jeffrey is so supportive of her.

Holly and I shared a great peace concerning Aunt Patti's condition. It was very critical at times, at times very scary. But we both knew that there was purpose in her suffering. We both knew that the situation could be an instrument for bringing the family closer together and for bringing about miracles at many levels. Without a doubt, the Lord was orchestrating that which would bless the lives of all who participated. I was humbled by the outpouring of faith and prayers from so many family members. I am grateful for the many opportunities I had to speak to family members on the phone who expressed such heartfelt love and concern.

I marveled at my cousin Dan. If anyone seemed out of his comfort zone, he did. Yet, unflinchingly he rose to the occasion. At great personal and financial sacrifice, he contributed to his mother's well-being and support. He was in Laredo when no one else could be. He and nurse Julie made the transfer to Denver possible. He took care of difficult matters in Denver. His assistance then as well as now was no less serviceable than anyone else's. My cousin Gina also gave of herself and her time wholly and completely. This may be the most touching (to me) act of love and service of all. Gina perhaps has justification for personal injury and offense. Yet, she displayed no such feelings. In her magnanimous attitude of love and forgiveness, she did what maybe no one else wanted to do but what needed so desperately to be done. I love her; she probably doesn't even know how much we all do. She needs to know.

I know that I am loved. I know that I am a child of God. I know that my life has a purpose. I know how to obtain help and direction for fulfilling my purpose. That knowledge has served me well. But what I don't know is how to lose myself in the service of others. Always, I am preoccupied with self. After writing to his father of the difficulties he was experiencing on his mission as a young adult, the late prophet Gordon B. Hinckley received a letter which said,

“Dear Gordon, I have your letter. … I have only one suggestion: Forget yourself and go to work.” In describing what happened next, he said: “I got on my knees in that little bedroom … and made a pledge that I would try to give myself unto the Lord.
“The whole world changed. The fog lifted. The sun began to shine in my life. I had a new interest. I saw the beauty of this land. I saw the greatness of the people. … Everything that has happened to me since that’s been good I can trace to that decision made in that little house”
http://emp.byui.edu/jexj/new/talks/talks/GBH%20Sweet%20Is%20the%20Work,%2015th%20President.pdf

Well, if that's good enough for a prophet of the Lord, then it ought to be good enough for me. I'm sure that forgetting myself and getting to work will simplify and bless my life immensely. So that's where I'm at folks. Thanks, Holly and Dan and Gina for your examples of forgetting your personal issues in your own lives and getting to work to bless the life of someone else. I was nearer to your mother when she was in Texas and could have done more had I not been so wrapped up in my own concerns. Your sacrifices do not go unnoticed and I'm sure will not go unrewarded. Please know of my love for you and know of my love for the Lord. I want to share more about my love with all of my family members. And I will "Let Him do it with simplicity."

Read on, if you get the time...

Sea World

It's been two years since our move to Texas when we left our three adult children in Utah. I am still getting used to the fact that we are now a local, operable family with only four kids. It always seems like someone is missing. Here are some pics with just the six of us.

Cousins to Cousins

June Family Fun

School's out and it's time to play. My sister Tracy and her family came for some summer fun. And no, we weren't too crowded in our home. It just felt like old times (Pleasant Grove times). First play stop: Spicewood, Texas. Krause Springs is my favorite waterhole (so far) in Texas. See why?

Guten times!

Our second play stop was a two-day adventure in New Braunfels at Schlitterbahn Resort. We went as a family two summers ago when a camera crew asked if they could use some footage of our family as part of a television vacation/resort spotlight. Apparently, they used some of it because friends of ours in Utah saw James, Jr. on TV recently at Schlitterbahn. Hey, Colorado friends, this place beats Water World! We had a blast. 

Spring Piano Recital

My piano students combined with another teacher's students for our spring recital. This was Canon's first recital. He was also the first to play in the recital. At the end of his piece and right after his serious bow, he walked to his seat and declared for all to hear, "I'm glad that's over!"

Recent Photos of the Fam

James Jr's exciting soccer game           James Jr. excited                Our Texas home in the spring                      
 

Exciting hunt for alligators. Do you see the alligator in the water? Brazos Bend State Park April 25

Garrett took Lindsay to prom on May 10

These pictures were taken in Utah when I came for Women's Conference.