I love my Aunt Patti. I always have. From the time I was very little (at least five years old), I wanted to go to live with her in case anything ever happened to my parents. After all, she was fun. And she let her own kids eat sugary cereal. (I vividly remember eating Trix and Cocoa Krispies at her house in Lakewood.) She and I were not kindred spirits like cousin Holly and I are, but sometimes opposites do attract.
Aunt Patti was very generous with me. I treasured the gifts she gave me. Most of all, I treasured time spent with her. She was always doing her own thing; so, her undivided attention was limited. But she did give it to me, even if it was in small doses, and I felt special because of it.
Aunt Patti was annoying at times, to be sure. I don't want to enumerate faults because she didn't speak of mine. In spite of her often loud and outspoken nature, I never feared that she would talk unkindly of me behind my back. But I must say that she was a troubled soul. Deep down inside, there was much hurt. Holly made reference to this in a letter to her mother that she read at the funeral. "Mom, you spent much time running and dodging through life, and you were also searching for meaning and happiness and wanting to be loved these past several years." And then, in words that I believe were pure inspiration and that I can envision the Savior saying directly to Aunt Patti, Holly read,
"Mom, I want you to know more than anything that you have infinite worth. Your soul had an impact on everyone who has met you. I wish that you would love yourself fully and receive love. You have been given a precious gift to continue to live and breathe on the beautiful earth. God made you beautiful, in His own image, and your life has great purpose. I want you to be peaceful and happy and not worry about your life."
It was difficult to see Aunt Patti suffering in Laredo. The things I take for granted - breathing, swallowing, eating, talking, walking - and the things I cherish most - faith in God, the gift of the Holy Ghost, adoring, supportive, righteous husband, children, parents, siblings, friends and ward members, physical/mental/emotional health and strength, comfortable home - are most of the things Patti was without for weeks and weeks on end. Had she not had the abundant love and prayers of her family she would not have lasted as long as she did.
I watched Holly at her mother's bedside in amazement. She naturally knew how to comfort and assist with words, touch, and action. I marveled at her tenderness and fortitude. I was at a loss at what to say to my aunt in her condition. I was so out of my comfort zone. (But I must have learned something from watching Holly because at a later date when I visited Aunt Patti with my dad, he remarked at my ease of speaking with her.) Holly was tireless in her sacrifice throughout the entire ordeal. This is more fully appreciated when considering the fact that she was also devoting much time to an ailing mother-in-law and to her children's and piano students' demands as well. How grateful I am that her husband Jeffrey is so supportive of her.
Holly and I shared a great peace concerning Aunt Patti's condition. It was very critical at times, at times very scary. But we both knew that there was purpose in her suffering. We both knew that the situation could be an instrument for bringing the family closer together and for bringing about miracles at many levels. Without a doubt, the Lord was orchestrating that which would bless the lives of all who participated. I was humbled by the outpouring of faith and prayers from so many family members. I am grateful for the many opportunities I had to speak to family members on the phone who expressed such heartfelt love and concern.
I marveled at my cousin Dan. If anyone seemed out of his comfort zone, he did. Yet, unflinchingly he rose to the occasion. At great personal and financial sacrifice, he contributed to his mother's well-being and support. He was in Laredo when no one else could be. He and nurse Julie made the transfer to Denver possible. He took care of difficult matters in Denver. His assistance then as well as now was no less serviceable than anyone else's. My cousin Gina also gave of herself and her time wholly and completely. This may be the most touching (to me) act of love and service of all. Gina perhaps has justification for personal injury and offense. Yet, she displayed no such feelings. In her magnanimous attitude of love and forgiveness, she did what maybe no one else wanted to do but what needed so desperately to be done. I love her; she probably doesn't even know how much we all do. She needs to know.
I know that I am loved. I know that I am a child of God. I know that my life has a purpose. I know how to obtain help and direction for fulfilling my purpose. That knowledge has served me well. But what I don't know is how to lose myself in the service of others. Always, I am preoccupied with self. After writing to his father of the difficulties he was experiencing on his mission as a young adult, the late prophet Gordon B. Hinckley received a letter which said,
“Dear Gordon, I have your letter. … I have only one suggestion: Forget yourself and go to work.” In describing what happened next, he said: “I got on my knees in that little bedroom … and made a pledge that I would try to give myself unto the Lord.
“The whole world changed. The fog lifted. The sun began to shine in my life. I had a new interest. I saw the beauty of this land. I saw the greatness of the people. … Everything that has happened to me since that’s been good I can trace to that decision made in that little house”
http://emp.byui.edu/jexj/new/talks/talks/GBH%20Sweet%20Is%20the%20Work,%2015th%20President.pdf
Well, if that's good enough for a prophet of the Lord, then it ought to be good enough for me. I'm sure that forgetting myself and getting to work will simplify and bless my life immensely. So that's where I'm at folks. Thanks, Holly and Dan and Gina for your examples of forgetting your personal issues in your own lives and getting to work to bless the life of someone else. I was nearer to your mother when she was in Texas and could have done more had I not been so wrapped up in my own concerns. Your sacrifices do not go unnoticed and I'm sure will not go unrewarded. Please know of my love for you and know of my love for the Lord. I want to share more about my love with all of my family members. And I will "Let Him do it with simplicity."
Read on, if you get the time...
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